Being described as “10 years worth of therapy in one book,” Becoming Flawesome is a celebration of our whole selves, warts and all, and the glory that is to be found in living in our truth…
Title: Becoming Flawesome
Author: Kristina Mand-Lakhiani
Publisher: Hay House Publishing
Pages: 280
Genre: Nonfiction
Perfection. We all dream of living by it, feeling it, being it…
And it is in the name of perfection that we demonise our flaws, make ourselves ‘less-than,’ and render ourselves vulnerable to the shame of not being good enough.
We live in a society that subliminally encourages us to wear metaphorical masks, slay our inner sadness, and ignore our imperfections, or as Kristina refers to them, her ‘dragons.’ Even within the world of personal development and spirituality, toxic perfectionism lurks in the shadows.
In Kristina’s upcoming book Becoming Flawesome #BecomingFlawesome, she reflects on her own story, her battle against perfectionism, and what it took for her to return to what she now deems to be her most authentic self. Being described as “10 years worth of therapy in one book,” Becoming Flawsome is a celebration of our whole selves, warts and all, and the glory that is to be found in living in our truth.
Every chapter is closed with reflection points and exercises to encourage the readers to dive deep into the essence of who they truly are, what their values are, and how to navigate an oftentimes overwhelming world.
In this book, Kristina breaks the mould as she takes the reader on a journey through:
- The dark, controversial side of ‘personal growth,’ and the insecurities that thrive on it
- Self-care vs self-love, and why you need both
- What authenticity actually is, beyond the buzz
- The ‘Hermione Syndrome,’ and how to diagnose if you’re secretly suffering from it
- How to create aligned lifestyle habits that stick
- Why the more you judge others, the more you judge yourself
- Societal masks, and how to remove them from your psyche
- Imposter syndrome in the world of high-flyers
- Emotional literacy: how to cope with strong, painful emotions healthily
Mind Valley Books: https://www.mindvalley.com/books/flawesome
Book Excerpt
The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life
Introduction
Let’s Begin
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a good book has to start with a proper introduction.
And by “proper” I mean that it has to prime the reader for the journey, raise excitement and set expectations, explain the process, and make reading the book an experience both profitable and smooth. After all, we are about to spend some time together on this journey.
Therefore, I was not surprised when on the first meeting with my publisher I was asked if I would consider writing a proper introduction to my book. You see—the original manuscript started with a story of me pondering my future book while standing in the shower, warm water running down my back, and my finger absentmindedly drawing random patterns on the fogged-up glass.
I started this book during the long years of successive COVID confinements, and I was planning to self-publish it because I wanted the freedom to make decisions about the book—how to write, what to write, what stories to include, what kind of experience to offer to my reader. So, naturally, it wasn’t following any universally acknowledged truths or conventions.
Yet, by the time I had to present my book-baby to the world, I felt that I wanted to give it the best possible future, and I had to face the big decision between my heart and my brain: Will it be self-published (heart), or will I work with a traditional publisher (brain)? Going the traditional way meant facing more choices between my quirky and obstinate self-expression and conventional ways of doing things.
This book is about finding your way back to yourself, about understanding who you really are, accepting your dents and scratches, your quirky uniqueness and even your flaws. It is about thriving in being unapologetically you, most flawesomely.
This book has been through the hands of several editors ever since I put the last stop on its original manuscript. This journey has been both emotional and transformative for me. I had to face my biggest dragon by far—my obstinate need for pure self-expression—over and over again.
When do you follow convention, and when do you stick to your own principles and values?
There is no simple answer to this question, except: you have to learn to balance.
If you follow all the rules that your peers expect you to follow, you bet all there is on a slim chance of the grand prize, but you do it at the price of your own unique self-expression. At times, I felt like I had to “sell my soul to the devil” for a chance at success.
But if you obstinately stick to your own unique quirks and principles, you might end up being unheard and misunderstood so universally that there is no point in writing a book. For it is the readers who make a writer. Without the readers, a book is just a private diary.
Reader, will you judge me if I tell you that this book is a delicate balance between convention and my own uniqueness? Of course, I want you to succeed. But I cannot give you the proper introduction to my book because every book is a journey. This book has been my journey, and
now it is yours. I walked my path to my true self, to understanding what makes me truly me . . .
and what of that unique quirkiness is simply noise. You see, your flaws and your dragons are there for a reason—they make you who you are, but they also hold the key to your biggest value, to your mightiest strengths, if you choose to look your dragons in the eye.
Now I am hoping that you will take this journey with me to your unique destination—to finding the path back to you. I will be your companion on this journey, but it is yours to take.
So why wouldn’t I tell you what’s ahead? Imagine if Gandalf told Bilbo Baggins that on his journey, he would encounter trolls, go through a perilous enchanted forest, and face a dragon in a far-away mountain. Wouldn’t that be a bit of a spoiler?
I want you to take this journey back to you without any spoilers, with an open heart, and trust that the destination is going to be worth your effort. Because becoming flawesome is the best gift you can give to yourself.
So, if you are ready, let’s begin!
Author Interview
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What have you found to be most challenging about writing in nonfiction?
Well, I think what I find most challenging is that nonfiction is much more regulated than fiction. In fiction, you can take liberties and be completely yourself, courageous, and defy convention. In nonfiction, it’s hard to defy convention. There’s pressure and expectation to follow a certain way of writing. While I would like to make my next book a little less conventional if I have the chance and courage, this current book succumbed to the pressure to be easy, palatable, and practical.
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Have you been able to incorporate your previous experience in your jobs/education in your writing?
Well, I think what I find most challenging is that nonfiction is much more regulated than fiction. In fiction, you can take liberties and be completely yourself, courageous, and defy convention. In nonfiction, it’s hard to defy convention. There’s pressure and expectation to follow a certain way of writing. While I would like to make my next book a little less conventional if I have the chance and courage, this current book succumbed to the pressure to be easy, palatable, and practical.
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Describe your book in 10 words or less for people who are just learning about it.
It’s like 10 years of therapy in one book.
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Is there anything you would like people to take away from your book?
I want readers to feel peace, contentment, self-love, and the ability to support themselves. The feeling is more important than any specific idea.
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Do you have any odd (writing) habits?
Well, maybe one thing is that I give titles to things at the very end, but it’s a useful technique, not an odd habit. Oh, and for Americans, it might be considered odd that I use British spelling, punctuation, and European terminology and metric system in my original manuscript. I do this deliberately to honor my background.
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What has been the toughest criticism you have received as an author? What has been the best compliment?
The best compliment I’ve received is when several respected individuals, including book authors and even the translator of my book, said that my book exceeded their expectations. It’s one of my favorite compliments, despite the element of surprise in their remarks. As for criticism, the toughest thing for me is when people get or buy my book but don’t actually read it. I want them to engage with the content, even if they have differing opinions or disagreements.
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Share some advice for aspiring authors. What advice would you give to your younger self?
I wouldn’t give any advice to my younger self because all the mistakes and experiences have shaped my journey and brought me to where I am now. As for aspiring authors, the best advice I received from my first editor was that it’s my book, and while others can offer suggestions, I am the one who decides what it should be. I wish I had heard this advice earlier in my writing process.
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What is your favorite line from your book?
“Your dragons are not going to cease to exist no matter how well you build the walls of spirituality around them.”
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To date, what is your favorite (or most difficult) chapter you have ever written?
Since I have only written this one book, I can provide both answers based on this book. My favorite chapter is “A Weapon of Love,” which explores spiritual bypassing and the dark side of our industry. The hardest chapter was the first chapter, the part about honesty. I went against convention, and I was concerned about misinterpretation. I rewrote the chapter multiple times to strike a balance between conveying my message and not alienating the reader.
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Have you ever experienced writer’s block? How did you deal with it?
Not extensively, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed, especially with challenging chapters. The ironic solution for me is to start writing, even if it seems ridiculous. I push through the block and move on to the next chapter. When I return to the blocked chapter later, it often turns out to be one of the best because it’s pure creativity, free from the critical mind.
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What do you like to do when you’re not writing?
I love going to my farm with my kids, being in the forest far away from people, and waking up in the morning to see my sheep on the patio. It’s my favourite thing to do.
Kristina Mand-Lakhiani is an international speaker, entrepreneur, artist, philanthropist, and mother of 2 kids. As a co-founder of Mindvalley, a leading publisher in the personal growth industry, Kristina dedicated the last 20 years of her career from teachers like Michael Beckwith, Bob Proctor, Lisa Nichols, and many more.
She started her career in a government office in her native Estonia and, by her mid-20s, achieved a level of success mostly known to male politicians at the end of their careers. It was shortly after that Kristina and her then-husband Vishen founded Mindvalley. From a small meditation business operating out of the couple’s apartment in New York, the company quickly grew into a global educational organization offering top training for peak human performance to hundreds of thousands of students all around the world.
Kristina believes life is too important to be taken seriously and makes sure to bring fun into every one of her roles: as a teacher, mother, entrepreneur, philanthropist, and world traveller. Kristina helps her students to virtually hack happiness by taking them through her unique framework – “Hacking happiness” – a unique framework of balancing your life, taking in every moment, and paying close attention to the small daily choices.
Kristina is also the author of three transformational quests – “7 Days To Happiness“, “Live By Your Own Rules.” and “The Art of Being Flawesome”. Kristina talks about personal transformation, authenticity, understanding and accepting oneself, and a path to happiness.
In July 2023, with the help of Hay House Publishing, Kristina releases her very first book – “Becoming Flawesome” #BecomingFlawesome. In her book, Kristina shares her own journey from being on top of a personal growth empire like Mindvalley to stepping aside, conscious uncoupling from her husband, and walking her path towards being more honest with herself.
Website: https://kristinamand.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kristinamand
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristina-mand-lakhiani-73168414/
